Sunday, April 27, 2014

Who Saves Batman?

As I was listening to Krewella and Nicky Romero's song Legacy a thought it hit me. In that song they are singing about someone essentially saving them from there own darkness. We all want that one person whom will save us. Like a missing component that when connected will turn on our self love god frequency receiver chip. Hopefully to end these feelings of low value, self hate, self destruction and rage. 

Me, personally I have helped saved countless people and helped emotionally heal many. I boosted the self esteem of others. I without hesitation jumped into the dark scary abyss to try to save someone. However, there is no one to save my soul. Aside from the you have to just get my confidence up, or start liking myself. How do I do that when I am told I am no fucking good or none verbally told I am not good enough when I get friend zoned. 

I feel that when you tell someone you like them and, that they are special to you. That it is so beyond a sexual because you are attracted by their light. When that person offers their friendship like its a 99 cent consolation prize. They give you fucking piss poor excuses as to why they cant be with you to the point that it has to be a lie. Tell me the truth I am too fat too poor come on give me something I can work with here if you are my friend. You already tore my heart to shreds why worry about breaking it? However the answer never comes. 

So let us do the math. No one is going to save you no matter how much good you put out there in the universe helping others. Meaning there is no such thing as Karma. No one will give you an honest reason why they won't be the one to save you.

As a man we are expected to not be broken. To tolerate disrespect and emotional damaged from the games some women play. For example many know about the time I was falsely accused of rape by someone I was with for 9 months. We didn't have sex, we barley held hands in public because she said she wasn't comfortable. It turned out she was a closeted lesbian using me as a cover. So when  I found out when I caught her making out with another girl I just said I guess this explains a lot and walked away. To prevent me from telling her family because they liked me. She ran to her brother and his friends and father told them i raped her and they came and whooped my ass. Not to mention being cheated on by the next.

They don't teach men how to recover from that when the cup runeth over. The countless other times I have been bluntly told I was ugly fat and didn't deserve anyone because of it. In a video of poem 1:36 - 1:50 is what I am told to this day. I even believe it. It even feels like steeling when I try to meet someone. I am almost relieved when it doesn't work. What no one knows that there is no fixing it. Especially when you are a guy. You will never be good enough.

With all that. I realized I have to take my own advice that I have given to others. Gotta be like batman and throw that grappling hook before I splat on the ground. Fix myself first because no one will help build you up. Everything is on you. As a man I have to be able to carry my on weight and her weight. Can't expect top meet someone who will have your back. Till then I will at least I will be an amazing comedian. Unleashing my pain as a joke.