Sunday, April 28, 2013

My near death epiphany


For the past 3 weeks I was in the hospital for a life threatening Pneumonia where I almost died. I do not remember a lot of it because I was in a chemically induced coma for the first week. While I was in the hospital I realized that what i always been looking for I had and all I ever had to do was realize what I had and take it.

I realized all those people I fought with Random psychopaths were just that psychos and will always be sick. I was given a second chance and I was making myself sick worrying and fighting these nut cases. I have something naturally that they will never have people that care for them and the ability to see it and appreciate it. I have people that love me and care for me a lot of those people are not even related to me by blood. I didn't have to learn to control or manipulate or use black magic they love me for me! I mean the amount of people that visited me in the hospital shocked the hospital. The amount of love I received didn't justify the hate filled person I allowed myself to become.

From this day forward I am going to love a lot harder than ever. I now see the path I have to take to be a fully powered Louie Bee. This doesn't mean I will not still be a fighter but I wont be engaging with crazy people or many useless battles. I will only focus my righteous anger on immediate problems but this time will have an exit strategy. I promise to be a lover more though. I realize my heart is stronger than even I knew.

I am just going to ignore a lot of things that just don't serve me or just don't matter or a distraction. Crotch Shot Radio is going to be replaced and the other name i thought of just doesn't serve me either. I will be doing the show for what I intended to do the show to make people laugh and be happy. Screw my rage and anger I am not gonna do hack stuff like infinite love because that is a poisoned phrase but I will be about real caring about people. I appreciate all the people in my life that I care about. You know who you are and thank you for being in my life and loving me. I love you right back

All the tragedy of my heart i had in the past will no longer define me anymore. Everyone is different and I will allow myself to receive more love in my life.

I mean I realized that was my gift from god to be loved and to love. I have to repeat the amount of people that love me I don't have enough digits on my hands and feet to count them. I been so blessed and continue to be. It should be a crime to have this much love and to get it so easily. I can call many people and they are there for me!

I neglected my heart for so long. I am healing and I am loving and I dont care who knows anymore. I am Louie Bee and I Feel and I will Love. I will only allow good in me for now on. That is my promise.