Saturday, February 23, 2013
Every time I am with a chick I cant help but feel I am on burrowed time. Its like I know that my time with her is temporary. I am trying to fool karma into allowing me to be happy. I know I am not allowed guys like me have other purpose that has no room for that type of love. I mean I am loved by family and friends. I mean who the fuck am I to want more. I mean me yearning to meet someone is fucking selfish and petty of me. Maybe that's why the universe only sends me. Females with issues and ones I really am not really attracted to. I am forced to settle for less cause that is what the universe will allow. I think my job in life is to help with others journey and hopefully cause I think it will be kind of cool die in some final battle against some evil so others can be free. So if I am allowed to have a soul mate cause I will end up leaving her. Maybe that's why I am pulling away from family just cut any anchors I have cause it will be easier to make the hard choice for the good of everyone. So please love and be cool to each other for me. Lord knows I fucking tried but I am too damaged and full of hate and rage. I just want to be something good and want to make things better. God that's all I ever fucking wanted. Not for the attention but I wanted to be of service. I feel pain I feel everyone's pain and I cant fix it I fucking failed there are demons out there that I cant seem to fucking chase away because the keep coming back and multiply I failed you all and I am sorry. If I could take on everyone pain I would I swear I would. I searched for ways. I should be the only one that hurts because I can take it. But I am sorry I was never good enough for you.