"I haven't written a poem in a very long time. Poems are not really my thing I am more of a ranting shit talker but I need to get this out my chest to be able to move on."
I am looking for her. That true love that I dream about every night. So beyond a wet dream but sounds of something deeper and true. In my mind she has no face but is formed of ideas. Ideas that are what I find attractive. I dream she is smart, caring, supportive, and loving as I would be for her. In the real world I fall for women such as she in my dreams. This makes me pursue but past pains make me cautious. Going by my own set rules of engagement. I am tired of reaching for the top of the tree for best fruit only to fall down and hurt myself and be found wanting. The mystery is always what do I need to be perfect for her. Is it too much to ask that she not be ghetto, mean, or distant. Is it too much to ask that I find someone who will support me emotionally and give me the love that I am powered by.
The conflict is the question of how can I find balance in not being needy but also let her know I desire her. How can I see past the games? How can I pass the secret tests? Why can't I get something straight forward? Why does this burn in my chest like the fire of 7 ovens? Why am I jealous over someone who was never mine? Why must I be reminded that I am alone? Why can't I laugh this away like everything else? Is she out there or is she a dream? Till I can figure it out I will continue the search for her.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
I am seriously fucking tired of women using I am PMSing to act like complete cunts to people. I didn't cause the natural cleaning of your womb. I don't deserve the fucking attitude. And I got to work with this cunt all night and do all the work because she doesn't feel like doing anything because she is catching cramps. Shit I am tired of being treated like an asshole because you are having a bad day.
Okay, day 2 of dealing with this half breed bitch coworker. She has been acting like a cunt to me blaming me because I suggested not even gave to her suggested she take Tylenol and aspirin mistakenly when I meant Advil and Tylenol 2 weeks ago. This cunt is holding it against me. She wants no personal responsibility and using her period as an excuse to be a fucking cunt to me. This half breed thinks herself a model when she is a fat fuck. The only place she fucking models is on big fat booty hood magazines and that ilk not a real model she models ass not cloths. The kicker is I did a ton of favors never even tried to ask her out or even expecting her to sleep with me. I did it to be a nice guy. Fucking Ingrate. Hate to put it this way but if you half black apparently you keep all the bullshit attitude. AND SHE HAS THE NERVE TO NOT PUT IN ANY WORK YESTERDAY AND TODAY BLAMING HER FUCKING PERIOD. I AM DOING A 2 PERSON JOB WHILE SHE IS SLEEPING IN THE OFFICE OR WATCHING GOD DAMNED YOUTUBE FOR MOTHERFUCKING BEYONCE AND B2K. FUCK THIS SHIT LETS ROLL THE DICE.
Fucking Great. I will be working with the chick with the fucking attitude because she was PMSing tonight she just worked in with the bitch face. YAY it is going to be an amazing night. I am tired of being treated like some sort of asshole because of my good intentions.
March 16th 1:00am
So this is the latest. lady i was working with just left the site. She just got really pissed when I called out on her shit attitude. I specifically asked if she is mad at me. she says she has no reason to be mad at me. and then i asked if it just my imagination that she is giving me attitude. ok... now that we established that she thinks i am stupid i then asked her why would she then tell someone that they couldn't work with me? she was like no it because she didn't want to be here working on this site. ok then why name me specifically? she says it has nothing to do with me but I am the only one she is giving shit too while she is here. She doesn't want to talk or be bothered. shit we are working together we have to communicate. Then she saw me checking my phone for a text message getting help for some homework and she assumes I was recording her. after a while of not being able to get a supervisor she just called left a message and left. good fucking riddance